The Truth Beyond the Bitterness Read online

  Table of Contents

  Blurb

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  17

  18

  19

  About the Author

  By Emory Schneider

  Visit Dreamspinner Press

  Copyright

  The Truth Beyond the Bitterness

  By Emory Schneider

  Can love erase a lifetime of fear and bitterness?

  Kuba flees the oppressive influence of his strict Catholic family as soon as he graduates high school. In the big city of Pilsen, Czech Republic, he can get a fresh start. Although he is fairly content sharing a flat with his coworker and filling it with books, he knows he’s destined to be alone unless he can come out of the closet. But he just isn’t ready to bare his soul to the world.

  When he meets his roommate’s friend Emil, he begins to reconsider. Is a chance at romance with the gorgeous man—and fellow bibliophile—incentive enough for Kuba to face his demons?

  World of Love: Stories of romance that span every corner of the globe.

  1

  AT THE end of my shift, I walked away from the blocky white building with the huge black-and-blue Dahotz logo on its facade and straight through the gate past the security guards. Dahotz manufactured submersible pumps, and I worked there as a repairman. It wasn’t a bad place to work, but the bosses were cheap. The guards came from an agency, and even a preschooler would be able to beat them up. Half of them had some small infirmity and the other half were over sixty No one else would work for the low wages the agency paid.

  On a small patch of grass near the road, I stopped and waited for my friend and coworker Hynek. A cold wind played with my hair, blowing silky, ash-brown strands into my eyes. Summer was coming to its end in Pilsen. I zipped my sweatshirt and kept watch through the wire-mesh fence. It wasn’t long before I saw Hynek in his blue-and-white baseball cap, blue vest, and jeans heading toward me through the crowd of impatient people who were desperate to get out of the area and into one of the crammed buses.

  “I was starting to wonder if you had decided to take some extra hours.” I smiled at him.

  “Are you nuts, Kuba?” My given name is Jakub, but everyone in the Czech Republic loved diminutives. Talk with them in a friendly manner for two minutes and they stop using the proper form of your name. “I wouldn’t stay in this madhouse any longer than I have to. Those people are driving me crazy.” Hynek grimaced and shook his head.

  “Fine, let’s get to the store or there won’t be anything left,” I said once I’d stopped laughing at his extreme reaction, and we walked to Tesco for some beer and snacks.

  An hour later, we entered the small apartment we shared. Hynek shared it with me, to be exact. It belonged to his parents, but they had decided to live in their cottage away from the city rush.

  I put the alcohol into the fridge and slipped into my room, where I put on my favorite sweatpants, curled into a chair I’d managed to squeeze between my bookshelves and double bed, put in earplugs, and dived into the fantasy world of a book. I’d bought it about a month ago but hadn’t the chance to start reading until yesterday.

  It wasn’t until Hynek knocked on the door that I realized how much time had passed. I raised my head and looked through the window. A bunch of tiny reddish clouds dotted the sky. It was evening already. I fished my mobile phone out of my pocket and stopped the music.

  “Come in,” I encouraged my friend and put the book aside. He didn’t enter right away. Instead he opened the door only so he could peep in.

  “Hey, I hope I didn’t interrupt you during something private.” Hynek raised his eyebrows as he stuck his big oval face through the small gap he’d made. “Took you some time to answer.”

  “Don’t worry. I tend to wait until you fall asleep or leave the flat to wank.”

  “Good to hear. It’s nothing I want to see.” He smiled and entered the room, then sat in the chair at my small computer desk.

  “Well, I wouldn’t like you watching me do it,” I snapped back. “I was reading. What do you want?”

  “Nothing, really. I have a proposal for you.” He leaned toward me.

  “I didn’t know you swung that way.” I smirked.

  He burst into laughter. “Sorry to let you down, but this is a different kind of offer. A friend of mine wants to hang out during the Pilsen Fires, and I would like you to go with us.”

  I started shaking my head immediately after hearing “to hang out.” Why would he ask me to do something like that? I looked into his green eyes. They emitted enthusiasm. He stared at me like a dog waiting for its owner to pet it.

  “I guess I should try to fight my anxiety from time to time,” I murmured, and I straightened up in the chair. “How many people are going to be there?”

  “It’s just this friend of mine, and he might bring his roommate too. We grew up together, and he started college here last year. This is his first year here during the festival.”

  “It’s a contest, not a festival,” I pointed out.

  “It looks like a festival,” Hynek grumbled. He loved to act like a child. I guessed that was the real reason why he didn’t have a girlfriend, although he kept denying it. “I’m doing it for you, you know? There are going to be quite a lot of people waiting for the fireworks. You could meet someone and get laid if you’re lucky.”

  “I’m not that desperate,” I protested. “And I’m gonna kill you if you try to ‘introduce’ me to every guy in tight trousers.”

  “You wear tight trousers whenever I manage to drag you to a club. I thought it was some kind of dress code.”

  I laughed out loud. How naive could this man be? “Fine, give me some time to consider it. When is it happening?”

  “Next weekend, on Saturday.” He stood up and left the room. I switched the music on again and stared at the door for a while, letting the conversation soak in.

  After a few minutes, I jumped out of the chair and rushed to my closet. It was rare for me to actually go anywhere other than to my job or shopping, and the number of outfits I owned reflected that fact. Four T-shirts and three other shirts lay on the top shelf, two pairs of trousers and two of shorts on the second shelf. Next to them were three outfits I wore when Hynek or my best friend, Blanka, insisted on dragging me to a club or anywhere else in public where my usual clothing style wouldn’t fit in. The rest of the shelves were filled with books that didn’t fit in my bookcase. I opened a second small closet with five coat hangers—two of them empty and one I used for my only suit. My parents bought me the suit for my graduation ball. Next to it hung an overcoat and a raincoat. I stared at the collection. What the hell should I wear? I briefly regretted spending most of my money on books and hardly ever on buying a new outfit.

  The only sort of place I could imagine Hynek going to hang out with friends was a pub or a disco club. The former wouldn’t involve any special demands for clothing. But the odds were good I might meet some hot guys there. The bars would be full of people during the event.

  I tried to ignore the way my back stiffened and my stomach clenched when I imagined a crowded room. I’d been working on my social anxiety for years, but it was a strong opponent that struck me whenever an opportunity arose. I reminded myself Hynek would be there too, and that calmed me a bit. But there were a few things I needed to know about the guy who was going to join us there.

  I closed the closet door and looked into the mirror th
at hung there. What should I talk about with those people? How should I introduce myself? What if I made a total moron of myself? Would they ignore it, or would they call me on it? I had to discuss that with Hynek.

  2

  THE EVENING of the Pilsen Fires had arrived and I walked the streets with Hynek, trying to find a place to sit and wait until the fireworks competition began. Several creators would present their fireworks, with a prize going to the most beautiful and exciting display.

  The nights were still warm in the middle of October, but the wind was chill, already bringing autumn to the heart of Europe.

  I looked at my reflection in the window of a secondhand shop. Maybe I should have done something with my hair so it wouldn’t poke in every imaginable direction. I ran my hand through it, hoping it would stay in place for as long as possible. It didn’t work.

  When I looked away, it was straight into Hynek’s face. His eyes twinkled, and I waited for the words.

  “You really are worse than a woman, you know that?” He smirked.

  “I guess so. You keep telling me that every morning.” I sighed. I should be more like my hair—wild—and not care so much about what other people expected from me.

  “Just ’cause you are in the bathroom for way too long. Sometimes I wonder what you’re doing in there. Don’t tell me you read.” He waggled one thick eyebrow.

  “Why would I read a book in the bathroom at four in the morning? Do I look that insane? I… pray for it to be Saturday so I can go back to bed.”

  “Yeah, that doesn’t make you insane at all. I’m telling you, if there were a God, he would be like people playing games. He’d love to see us suffer, and he’d celebrate when he kills us off.”

  “That’s blasphemy,” I said, knowing perfectly well he wouldn’t care. He knew I didn’t care either.

  We’d walked for another five minutes when his phone started ringing. He fished it out of his pocket and started grinning as soon as he looked at it. “Hey there,” he said with the phone to his ear. “Did you find a good spot? I’ve walked through half the city, but everything is full. Even the most expensive restaurants.” He glanced through the window of a pub we were passing. Full. “Really? And where are you? Fine, we’ll be there in about fifteen minutes. Who is there with you?”

  I stared at my shoes and waited until Hynek said goodbye to whoever he had been talking to. I wondered who we were going to meet tonight. He had told me there would be a friend of his. One friend. Maybe with a roommate. That’s why I’d agreed to go with him. I could barely manage to be with more than one stranger trying to chat with me.

  “Kuba, are you listening?” Hynek asked. That dragged me out of my thoughts, and I nodded.

  I hadn’t wanted to go party with Hynek. I agreed to go with him to shut him up and hoped for some kind of illness to attack my immune system right before the date of the festival. Perhaps I should have included that in my prayers. Unfortunately, I’m strong and healthy, and my ability to fake anything is nothing to brag about. Now that we were out in the city and had walked around for so long, I decided I might as well go along with his plans.

  “Where are we gonna meet them?” I smiled to hide how nervous I am.

  “They are at some bowling club called Impuls. You’re gonna like it there. Well, I guess you won’t like the place itself, but it’s quite cheap, and there aren’t usually many people there.”

  “You know I don’t mind other people as long as there is at least someone I know,” I said in a low voice.

  “Or as long as you don’t have to interact with more than one of them at a time. I managed to figure that out during the time we’ve been roommates.” He chuckled and gave his mobile phone another glimpse. “Calm down if you can. There will only be two people you haven’t met before. I’m sure you can handle that. Now let’s head for the trolley and go to Lochotín, where Impuls is.”

  We claimed seats next to the door so we could jump out as soon as the vehicle reached our destination. The first thing I saw when we got off was a man with pitch-black eyes and dark brown skin leaning on the rail separating the platform from the road. I had never seen anyone like him except on TV. I needed to stop staring at him. He was a person like me and everybody else, and it had to be uncomfortable for him. But I found it hard to resist watching him as he walked toward us. Of course, I was nervous about meeting any stranger.

  “Hey, Sam,” Hynek greeted him, “I knew you wouldn’t miss this. This is my roommate, Jakub.”

  “Nice to meet you. We should hurry. Emil’s saving our seats.” Then he turned to me again as we walked through a small park toward the club. “Hynek said you don’t like crowds. So we chose Impuls. Are you familiar with it?”

  “Only what Hynek told me,” I responded. “It’s cheap, and there are not as many people there as I dreaded.” It turned out to be true.

  “One more question.” Sam pointed at me. “I know a few guys named Jakub and all of them are called Kuba. Which one do you prefer?”

  “Definitely Kuba. Whenever someone calls me Jakub it’s like flashing a red light. Either they want to talk about something important, or they want to scold me.”

  The first thing I saw as we entered was a dartboard. Sam guided us alongside several billiard tables. We went up five stairs covered with the same gray, cheap, very old carpet as the rest of the floor, except for the bowling alleys.

  The elevated part of the room consisted of the bar, two booths, and a line of seats along one wall. Small tables divided those seats from the bowling lanes and provided a place for the fans of the game to set their drinks.

  I was watching how one of the players sent a brown ball down the lane and hit all ten pins with it when I heard Hynek call my name.

  “Sorry, I haven’t played this game before,” I said as I rushed toward him. He was sitting with his friends already. I was glad I saw only one other person with them. I approached them, raised my hand in greeting, took a breath, and… froze.

  The guy was gorgeous. His light hair was short at the sides and longer on top. His thin lips curved up slightly as he looked at me with deep-set gray eyes surrounded by long, pale eyelashes. He seemed to take good care about his body. He was trim and his well-defined muscles showed he visited a gym regularly.

  I tried to swallow the lump that created in my throat. All the extra saliva filling my mouth should help, as long as I didn’t start drooling. Then I reminded myself I should introduce myself since I was pretty much shoving my hand in his face.

  “I’m Jakub… um… hi.” That was all I managed to say. I hated myself.

  “I’m Emil.” He stood up and squeezed my palm in a quick but firm handshake. “I was just about to go for drinks. Do you want to help me bring them?”

  “Sure,” I replied and made enough space for him to slip around me and guide me to the massive black wooden bar. We were about the same height, but he had more muscular arms. I, on the other hand, was a little heavier, with a bit of a belly.

  “I can’t believe Hynek rooms with someone normal-looking,” Emil noted while we waited for the bartender.

  “Have you looked in the mirror?” I blurted and then regretted it immediately. That sounded wrong in so many ways. “I mean, you look normal too. Like, totally normal. Um… you know….”

  “Like someone who doesn’t drink every day or do drugs?” He grinned.

  I turned my head and gazed at the line of people in front of us so he couldn’t see my red cheeks. “Yeah, something like that. Where did you meet Hynek?”

  “We grew up together. We used to be neighbors. What about you? Why do you live with him?”

  “We work together in Dahotz. Hynek assembles electromotors for the pumps they produce, and I repair tools and machines. Once when I was bitching about the hostel I lived in, he offered to let me live with him so he could share the housework with someone.” I chuckled. “That’s Hynek for you. He always makes sure it looks like he’s helping you only because it’s convenient for him. I’ve se
en him do that several times.”

  “That’s so typical of him. To tell you the truth, I assumed you were a girl when he said he was bringing his roommate.”

  The bartender took our order, placed four glasses filled with beer in front of us, and waited until we paid him. Each of us grabbed two glasses and went back to our companions.

  Emil didn’t return to his original place in the booth but sank in so I could sit next to him. I was pleased but also a little nervous.

  “I can’t believe you drink Pilsner,” Hynek said, staring at my drink with his eyes opened so wide I thought they would pop out of his head any second. “It’s bitter like ass.”

  “You know how bitter an ass tastes?” I snapped before I gulped one-third of the golden liquid in my glass. Then I wiped the foam off my face and continued. “So they raised your salary more than Blanka’s?” It was easier to talk to Hynek since I knew him so well.

  “Wait, she told you?” He paused with his glass in front of his lower jaw.

  “You know we tell each other nearly everything.”

  “Who is Blanka?” Sam asked. “Is that your girlfriend?”

  “No, she’s my best friend.” I smiled.

  “She’s more like your shrink,” Hynek said, and I stabbed him with the most ice-cold gaze I could.

  “More like a willow tree. She doesn’t ask for money, and she actually tries to help me solve my problems.”

  “Like your social phobia?” Sam continued. “Hynek told me about that.”

  “Yeah, and she always tries to boost my confidence.” I gave him a shy smile.

  “That sounds familiar.” Emil chuckled and turned to Sam, who grimaced in response.

  3

  HYNEK WAS telling us about how he hit himself on his head with a pneumatic screwdriver earlier that week when a bell on Emil’s phone rang. His eyes sparkled as he canceled the ringing.

  “It’s about to start.” He jumped slightly in his seat, finished the remaining half of his beer in one go, and started rushing us to go outside.